


I'll always put you first

by leiaesthetic



Category: The Blacklist (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:20:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28987707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leiaesthetic/pseuds/leiaesthetic
Summary: The situation is oddly familiar to Donald, LIz being on the run and him having to chase her. But this time there's a lot more at stake, things that Donald can't share with the task force, for example the fact that he had let Liz stay with him overnight and then just let her go in the morning. Or the fact that he cleared out his office room at home so Agnes would have a room to stay in as long as Liz wasn't there. He hardly reflects on the the bizzare circumstance that when he gets home from work where he is hunting after his fugitive partner, her 5 year old daughter is waiting for him there and blissfully unaware that he is hunting after her mother. And of course, there are the feelings and what happened in the night before Liz went on the run. Sometimes Ressler wished that the world would go easier on him.
Relationships: Agnes Keen & Donald Ressler, Agnes Keen & Elizabeth Keen, Elizabeth Keen & Donald Ressler, Elizabeth Keen/Donald Ressler
Comments: 20
Kudos: 111





	1. Chapter 1

„Looks like the lead was a dead end, Liz never was at that motel.” Ressler sighed and threw the file onto Aram’s desk in the war room. He was just exhausted and worried about Liz and the realization that there wasn’t anything he could do to make the situation better for her was infuriating to him. “We gotta find her before she finds Reddington and does something she’ll regret.” Ressler said, already checking out new leads of people claiming to have sighted Elizabeth Keen.

“Why do you think she would regret it if she killed Reddington? Didn’t she almost get you killed just one week ago? It’s beyond me why you keep wanting to get her out of this unharmed.” Park said and that comment only fuelled Ressler’s anger. “You don’t know half of what she’s been through, so don’t be too quick to judge her. Don’t you think I’m angry at her for nearly blowing me up? Of course I am, I’m furious. But right now, that doesn’t matter because Liz needs our help even if she can’t ask for it. So zip it and get back to work!” 

All the agents in the war room had stopped whatever they were doing when Ressler started to tell Park off, but now quickly returned their attention to their work as a fuming Ressler stormed past them into his and Keen’s office and slammed the door. 

He was just so tired, he understood to a point why Park and Aram were mad at Liz, hell he was also mad at Liz, but he was so determined to protect her from Reddington and at the moment from herself because he knew what it felt like, being consumed by rage and grief and that voice that tells you to take revenge no matter what it costs. He felt it when Audrey died and Liz pulled him out of it, so he needed to be there for her now, even if that meant hunting her down. 

He then made some calls but they didn’t lead to anything that would help getting to Liz. It was already 8 PM and he knew he should get going, most of the other agents had left by now including Park and Aram. He took his jacket but lingered when looking at the empty desk across him. 

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She was supposed to be there with him, especially after what had happened between them one week ago when she was standing in front of his door. The circumstances had been less than ideal, but he understood that that was what she needed and he wouldn’t be the one to deny her. Their night together had been a reassurance that there were feelings between the two of them and that those feelings were pretty unshakeable. He promised her that he would keep believing in her and some rather naive part of him wanted to believe that she would make the right choice on her own. But he wasn’t an idiot, she was blinded by her grief and anger, she wouldn’t make a rational choice in the heat of the moment. When she came to him and asked for one night to rest, she wanted to rest her mind, just wanted to let go and think of anything but the situation she was in and he understood that. After he closed the door behind her, things got serious pretty quickly, they clashed together like two magnets that couldn’t resist the power of attraction anymore, like they always knew that this would be inevitable. He just wished it had happened under different circumstances. 

He sighed, realizing he must’ve been staring at Liz’s empty desk for at least 5 minutes. The post-office was now completely empty except for the guards at the elevator. Ressler took his stuff and left his office space, heading for his car in the garage. He stopped at a gas station otherwise he wouldn’t make it home. When he had parked his black suburban outside his apartment building, he stayed in his seat for a minute checking his phone. But there was nothing, no text or call from an unknown number which he hoped would be Liz- but then again, why would she call him when he was chasing after her. 

Donald barely had time to take his jacket off, because Agnes came running towards him, hugging his legs. “Come on, you need to see my blanket fort. It’s the castle for all my princesses.” Agnes jumped up and down, beyond excited. “Alright, alright, just let me get my shoes off, ok?” Ressler said with a smile. He wasn’t used to coming home to someone waiting for him. He walked into the living room where is mom was sitting, folding laundry. “Hey mom. I told you, you don’t have to do my laundry, you’re here for Agnes not for doing my housework.” He said to his mother Lisa. “I know Donnie, but she’s such an angel, before I sit around doing nothing, I’d rather do the laundry. I made some Mac and Cheese, it’s in the fridge.” Lisa said, grabbing her purse, ready to head out. She was staying at a hotel nearby, Donald of course objected at first, he told his mom to take his bed but she refused and he knew it was better not to argue with her about things like that. At first, he’d been reluctant to call his mom and ask her to come and watch Agnes while he was at work, but he knew that he had very few options. Lisa Ressler however had been more than happy to dome visit her son and take care of Agnes. He was glad his mother didn’t ask about Liz and just accepted the few things he told her. He also was glad that Agnes had warmed up to his mother so quickly.

After his mom left, Ressler let Agnes show him around the blanket fort she build. “When I’m at kindergarten my dolls need a place to stay, this is their palace, a cosy-blanket-palace.” Agnes told him. She was such a sweet kid, he found it quite easy to be around her. Before Liz started running, he promised her that he’d take care of Agnes, without Liz asking him to, but she told him how grateful she was. To him it had been clear. Like hell was gonna let his goddaughter stay with Scottie Hargrave again. He kept the fact that Agnes was currently staying with him from his colleagues on the task force, even Reddington thought that Agnes was with Scottie. But Ressler wanted to keep his promise to Liz by all means and having Agnes close made it easier to keep her safe. When he remembered how Park lashed out about Liz today, he felt reassured in his decision to keep his living situation to himself. They wouldn’t understand and question his loyalty and that was the last thing he needed right now, not when he hadn’t heard from Liz in 3 days.

“When will mommy call again?” Agnes asked, looking up at him with her big, hazel eyes. “I don’t know sweetie, your mommy is very busy on her work trip, but I’m sure that as soon as she’s got time, she’ll call. Now what do you think about a scoop of ice-cream before bedtime?” he said, trying to change the topic. Agnes nodded happily and ran tos the kitchen. Liz had called him earlier that week and wanted to speak with Agnes, he could only imagine how hard it must be for her to leave her daughter behind. They’d agreed to tell Agnes that Liz was on a work trip and that she didn’t know when she could be back. Agnes had been a bit sad of course but also told Liz that she was excited to have a long sleepover at her uncle Donnie’s.

After ice cream, Ressler brought Agnes to bed and read her a goodnight story, she wouldn’t sleep without one. When the little girl was sound asleep, Donald retreated to his couch, opening a beer and reading the newspaper, just to distract him from constantly checking his phone for a message from Liz.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I made it before the next episode. Enjoy ;-)

When Elizabeth Keen had closed and locked the door of her new motel room outside Annapolis, she sunk down on the floor, back pressed against the cold wall. She felt like she was being watched no matter where she went. She knew that that was stupid, the task force hadn’t made the hunt for her public- well at least not yet-. She had the suspicion that she would have to thank Ressler for that, but sooner or later, her picture would flicker across the news again and basically everybody in America would be on the lookout for her. It’s been a week since she had tried to kill Reddington and in the process almost lost Ressler, her only anchor in the raging sea that her life had become. 

When she had come to his apartment, she hadn’t expected anything from him, yet he had given her so much. When they were laying in his bed, legs tangled, her head on his chest he told her that he would take care of Agnes. Liz could’ve started to cry at that moment, not that she had forgotten about her daughter, but considering the previous events of that day, she hadn’t thought through that Agnes couldn’t stay with Meg and Kelly for however long this was going to take, but the thought of asking Ressler never even crossed her mind, he had enough trouble with her as it was. “Really?” she whispered; her voice croaked. “Yes, of course, she’ll be safe.” Ressler told her while stroking her hair. 

She wasn’t worthy of him, of all his love and affection for her and her daughter, of his persistency even when she pushed him away. If she’d just stayed away, he wouldn’t have that nasty scar on his arm, but she was selfish and she knew that she loved him and she wanted him even though she was bad for him. 

Liz stared at the ceiling of the room; it was getting dark outside. What was she even doing here? She missed Agnes, she missed Ressler, the taskforce, just the basic structures in her life: getting up, going to work, going home. She had literally blown all her strings to any form of a structured life. The more important it was that now, she would finish this. Reddington had been involved in every death of someone close to her, Sam, Tom and her mother. She never would have expected that he’d shoot her right in front of her eyes. She thought he wouldn’t be that cruel, but who was she kidding? He was Raymond Reddington after all. So, she had to finish this, before anyone else would die. Maybe Ressler would be next if she didn’t end this once and for all. She wanted a better, a happier life for Agnes, with no guards outside their apartment monitoring their every move, she wanted her daughter to be free and to be loved. And the more people Reddington took from her, the more she felt the love leaving her. 

Still, she was torn when she thought of what she could have, Agnes telling her about what she had learned in school, getting Wing Yee take out with Ressler, jogging through the park like a normal person without feeling watched. Then, the pictures of the scene at the lake creeped back into her mind. Two shots, her mother falling to the ground, cleaners coming and taking her away. These 5 minutes had destroyed her entire life and Reddington needed to pay. 

She had another plan, she wanted to get to him in one of his safe houses, but first she had to place some sort of tracker near him, without being caught by the FBI. This was one hell of a clusterfuck and she was all alone this time. Honestly, she anticipated every minute that a SWAT time would come storming in and taking her to the Post-office. 

It had been 7 days since she had gotten some proper sleep and it was showing. She needed to rest or she wouldn’t be focussed in the morning. Her mind had other plans though, it was restless with a million of ´what if’s? ´ popping up. 

It went all the way back to when she re-married Tom. She had loved him, but looking at it now, marrying him had been a tactical decision: She was pregnant and she wanted her daughter to have a father who was always there. Being with Tom, it was good but she always had the feeling that he was a flight risk and as soon as it got difficult or too boring for him, he’d run. If she hadn’t married him, he probably would still be alive. If only… If she hadn’t kidnapped Dom, he and Katerina would be alive, still looking for answers, but still breathing. “But you didn’t Liz“ she scolded herself. Maybe she deserved all of this, maybe this was the universe bringing justice upon her. She had done terrible things and now she tried to kill Reddington. 

A sudden ache to hear Ressler’s calm, soothing voice overcame her and before she could overthink it, she dialled his number on the phone of the room.

He answered on the second ring. “Ressler “, he said in his gruff, almost harsh FBI-Federal-Agent-tone.

“Ress, it’s me.” Liz said, her voice barely above a whisper, she was afraid her voice would crack and he’d notice she’s been crying.

“Liz… Are you alright?” he asked, his voice now significantly softer. Liz smiled at that, she’d like to think that this soft tone of his was reserved only for her and Agnes. 

“Well, apart from everything, I’m not physically injured if that’s what you mean.” Liz said, hearing him sigh in relief. “Is Agnes still up?” She asked, knowing it was a stupid question, it was almost 12 AM, Ressler wouldn’t let her stay up that late. 

“No, sorry, she was so exhausted from going to the park today. She asked about when you’d call again though. She asks every night.” Ressler said and Liz was left somehow at loss for words. It was like they were dancing around the elephant in the room. But she didn’t want to talk with him about things she couldn’t reverse or change. It was a fact that she was on the run, he was hunting her down and just 7 days ago she almost killed him. They knew the facts and she didn’t want to talk about that and she hoped it was the same for him. 

“It’s alright, I’m glad she’s so comfortable with you and your mom.” Liz meant it, she wouldn’t have anyone else take care of her daughter at the moment. 

“Yes, she’s feeling very comfortable. I barely recognize my apartment, her stuff is just everywhere, but I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. It’s kind of growing on me.” Ressler chuckled on the phone and Liz just had to smile.

“Yes, I know she got that habit of leaving stuff everywhere from me probably. Recently, I found her toothbrush under my seat in the car.” 

“Tell me about it, this morning I found a pink sock in my suit jacket. Fortunately, nobody saw it, they’d have their suspicions otherwise.” Liz laughed a bit at that, because she could just imagine the expression on his face when he pulled out one of Agnes’ pink unicorn socks out of his suit jacket. 

After that, a pleasant silence set in until Liz couldn’t hold back the words that were burning on her tongue anymore. “I miss her so much. And I miss you.”

“We miss you too Liz” Ressler said, not wanting to push her on the whole on-the-run-topic.

“I wish I could be with you right now; you have no idea how much. And I don’t expect you to understand this, but I can’t build a future with you when I don’t know about my past. I’m so afraid Ress, I dragged you into my mess, if I don’t end this, something will happen to you or to Agnes. I need to do this.” Liz barely noticed the tear that was rolling down her cheek.

“Liz, I know, I just wish there was something I could do, that there was any other way to fix this. I just want you to be careful, alright?” Donald said, knowing that was as far as he could go with this topic at the moment.

“I will, be safe.” Liz said and hung up. She’d never felt so alone before at in this particular moment.


	3. Chapter 3

Shortly after his call with Liz had ended, Donald headed to bed and fell asleep right away, knowing that at least for tonight, Liz was safe. His finally found sleep didn’t last for long though. His alarm clock displayed 2 AM, when someone was poking his arm. 

He startled awake, looking into the scared-looking hazel eyes of Agnes. “Hey, sweetie what’s wrong?” Ressler asked worriedly, sitting up. “I had a nightmare.” Agnes whispered, looking down. “I’m sorry, you wanna tell me what it was about?” he asked and patted on the empty spot on the bed next to him. 

Agnes nodded and crawled up on the bed to sit. “I dreamt that mommy was never coming back. She just left me all alone. Did mommy go because she doesn’t love me anymore?” the little girl asked, almost starting to cry.

It pained Ressler to see her like that, he should’ve known that Agnes would suspect that something is wrong and her mom isn’t just on a work trip. Suddenly he regretted not waking her up when Liz had called earlier. 

“No, sweetie your mommy loves you very much, she would never leave you. Your mommy has to take care of some things right now, but she’ll be back. Actually, she just called earlier, but you were already asleep and we didn’t want to wake you up. But she told me that she misses you very much.”

Agnes now looked up at him:” Can you wake me up next time mommy calls?” How could he say no to her? “Sure.” Agnes still seemed upset, “You promise?” Ressler nodded at that: “I promise.” 

Agnes yawned. “You ready to go back to sleep now, kiddo?” he asked her, knowing she needed to sleep. “Yes, but I will only sleep in my blanket fort. You know that nightmares can’t get into blanket forts, right?” the little girl looked at him. “Yeah of course I know that.” Donald chuckled. 

When Ages crawled into her blanket fort with her pillow, Donald mustered his former office-room which was now Agnes’ makeshift bedroom and she had certainly already left her impression, partly because of his mom who took Agnes shopping the first day. He felt that they had bought everything pink and purple they found. It wasn’t like he could just get Agnes’ things from Liz apartment; he knew Reddington’s men were watching it. Maybe he could’ve come up with an excuse but he didn’t mind spending money on his goddaughter and he wanted Agnes to be happy, despite missing her mom. 

“Uncle Donnie, do you also have nightmares sometimes?” Agnes voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “Yeah, I think everybody gets them from time to time.” It sometimes surprised him how deeply the girl was thinking about things despite being only 5. Little did she know that his most frequent nightmares had also been about Liz. She was dying in his arms, like Audrey did and there was nothing he could do. He shook the thoughts of his bad dreams, not wanting to deal with them again. 

“Then I think you should also sleep in the blanket fort, just in case.” Donald contemplated his options for a second, he wanted Agnes to feel safe and be able to get some rest, even if that meant sleeping on the floor in a blanket fort. He nodded and smiled lightly at Agnes, getting down, but only fitting in halfway. It wasn’t too uncomfortable, at least not for now. 

“Good night, uncle Donnie.” Agnes said, already half asleep. 

“Good night, kiddo.” Ressler whispered back and before he knew it, he drifted off into a dreamless sleep. 

He woke up at sunset the nest morning, Agnes till soundly asleep in all her blankets and pillows. He decided to let her sleep while he showered and got dressed. It was Saturday, but the search for Liz allowed for no weekends off. 

When he was making coffee in the kitchen, he heard little tripping steps and soon after Agnes came running into the kitchen. 

“Morning, what’d you think of pancakes for breakfast?” 

Agnes nodded excitedly and jumped up and down. “Yes! I love pancakes, but mommy doesn’t make them very often.”, she said. 

“I would’ve figured, your mommy hates pancakes.” Donald said, chuckling while getting the ingredients from the cabinets.

Agnes giggled at that. “I know, isn’t that silly, how CAN anyone hate pancakes.”

Ressler shrugged. Agnes helped him making the pancakes, and because they were on time today, they had time to eat in peace. His mom would be here in 20 minutes when he had to leave for work. 

After they finished breakfast, Ressler rolled up the sleeves to do the dishes, before his mother would feel the need to do so later. Agnes was sitting at the coffee table in the living room, drawing with her crayons. 

Then, Ressler’s phone rang. Part of him wished for it to be Liz whenever he received a call, but this time it was Aram. 

“Ressler.” He answered the call, it came out almost harsh. 

“It’s me, Cooper wants you to come in asap, he’s really pissed.”

“Why? What’s wrong?” he was confused, but also a bit worried that Cooper found out that he was taking care of Agnes or that he had talked to Liz on the phone twice already.

“Park resigned from the task force and Panabaker wants to take Liz’s case from us.” Aram sounded stressed. 

“I’m on my way.” Ressler scoffed. Well, shit, he thought to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a fluffy filler -kinda-  
>  I hope you like the domestic Ressler in this one.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit is about to get real. I promise a big reveal next chapter.

Elizbeth Keen was staring out of the window of the train as it rattled through the woods of upstate New York. She was headed to Vermont, where Reddington had one of his preffered safe houses, he would go there to relax, to recover. She was certain he would go there in the next couple of days, the hunt for her was done by the taskforce mainly, since Red’s health was in really bad shape. 

She didn’t have a concrete plan on how to take him down though. Maybe because some part of here still hoped he’d answer her questions and felt sorry she tried to kill him a week ago. Of course, she would never admit that to anyone. „What’s done is done Liz” she told herself, but couldn’t quite bring herself to believe that.

Again, the question of what she was even doing here arose in her, but she didn’t have a reasonable answer. Then again, she knew that this time Red had gone too far and she wouldn’t let herself be fooled by him again with all of his lies and half-truths. 

To say she was conflicted would be an understatement. It would be another 3 hours until she arrived in Vermont, so she decided to try and get some sleep, if only to take her mind off of things.

After a very short period of sleep, someone gently tapped her shoulder. It was a lady, probably train staff. Liz hoped she would just have to show her ticket again. 

“I’m terribly sorry Miss, but there seems to be a problem with your ticket. Would you please come with me.” The woman said and something was off about her. 

Despite just having woken up, Liz immediately noticed the earpiece the woman had, why would a train staff lady need an earpiece. 

Liz remained calm and got up, taking her purse with her. “Of course.” She said and put on a smile as she followed the lady to the back of the train. 

When she was sure that there were no passengers in sight, she made quick work of the fake train attendant and pinned her to a wall. 

“Who do you work for? Have you been following me these past days?” Liz whispered, but the aggression was audible in her voice. 

The woman stayed silent and shook her head until Liz intensified her grip around the woman’s neck. “The Townsend. There’s more of us at the next station. Even if you kill me you won’t be able to escape us. Katerina Rostova may be dead but you have what we want.”

Liz let out a bewildered breath. She knew she had little time; the train was already slowing down before its stop at the next station.

She acted quickly, one straight punch to the jaw and the Townsend agent was on the floor unconscious and Liz ran to the backdoor of the waggon. 

The train was still fast, but Liz knew she had no time to wait, she could already see the station in distance. 

She jumped out of the door, landed on the grass next to the tracks, falling onto her side and something in her foot cracked. 

Despite the pain she got up and ran into the woods, limping. She only had her purse, her other bag was still on the train and it was only a matter of time until the other Townsend people would figure out she wasn’t far away.  
She had no idea where she even was but she just ran and ran, the pain in her foot getting stronger with every step. 

After a while she stopped, panting, leaning against a tree.

She needed another plan. 

\------

Donald Ressler really understood now, why Liz always was late for work. After Aram had called, he had to wait for his mother to come over, get dressed for work and explain to Agnes that he’d probably be home late and miss her bedtime. Then of course, the traffic was massive, unusual for a Saturday, but luck just wasn’t on his side lately. 

He didn’t want to imagine what would happen to Liz, if Panabaker decided to the take the case away from them, but he couldn’t say he was overly sad about the fact that Park was leaving. She was a good agent, but she didn’t understand what working with Raymond Reddington had meant for every single one of them, she was so naively by the book, like he himself once was, but looking back, it seemed like that was in another lifetime. Park would maybe make it far in the bureau one day, but the work with the task force just wasn’t for her.

When he arrived at the Post-office, he immediately headed to Cooper’s office. “Ah, Agent Ressler, good to see you here finally.” Cooper commented. “Excuse me Sir, I was stuck in traffic.” Donald tried, knowing that him being late wasn’t the real reason for Cooper’s bad mood.

“Well, now that you’re here, we can talk about the fact that no one told me, Elizabeth Keen is a fugitive again. How can I trust you with hunting her down when you didn’t even mind telling me about the fact that she’s out to kill Reddington?” Panabaker’s mood resembled Cooper’s, why couldn’t they just work this out between the two of them and let the others work, Don wondered. 

“I am tempted to give this case to someone else.” Panabaker said and now Ressler felt obliged to speak up. “With all due respect, but need I remind you that las time she was on the run, we got to her and successfully protected her from the cabal. I think we are very capable of doing our jobs.” 

Panabaker sighed.” You get 3 weeks, not more. If Elizabeth Keen isn’t in your custody by then, this case will be reassigned to Internal Affairs. Let me know when you have her, maybe we can work out some kind of a deal.” She announced before leaving Cooper’s office. 

“Agent Ressler, Agent Mojtabai. You’re on your own in this. Agent Park decided to leave the taskforce, effective immediately.” Cooper told them; the uneasiness notable in his tone. 

“Any word from Reddington?” Don asked, wanting to finally start working, now that the clock was ticking. Cooper shook his head. “He needs to recover; he’ll be at one of his residences.” 

When Ressler and Aram walked down the stairs, they could see Park, packing up her things at her desk, shooting them an almost disdainful look. Still the two men approached her, wanting to be respectful and say their goodbyes. 

“This is unbelievable. Nobody reported Agent Keen, not even Cooper. I won’t have any part in this, I have no interest in ruining my career over this. Neither should the two of you.” Park was completely bewildered by their continuing loyalty to this institution. She regretted agreeing to work with the task force in the first place. 

Ressler had a hard time keeping his composure, after hearing Park’s opinion once again. She just didn’t know what it was like, she was a green rookie after all- at least that’s all she had been when working with them. 

“I get that this might be hard for you to understand, but sometimes you just can’t follow the rules. We have to give Liz the benefit of the doubt.” Aram said, but earned only a huff from Agent Park.

“Where’s the doubt in detonating a bomb? All of you are in way over your heads here.” Park then turned to Ressler. “You know when I was in Quantico, I admired your work. I wanted to be an agent as good and honourable as you. Now all I see are lies and trade-offs and secrets. I never wanna be like that.“  
Ressler just chuckled and shook his head; he knew better than getting personal right now. He thought that she’d understand if she had seen Liz when she fell apart, when the world came crashing down on her yet again and left Elizabeth Keen in ruins and anguish. It was heart breaking to watch. Every. Damn. Time. 

“We wish you all the best for your future with the bureau.” Donald said and then left for his office, Aram following him close behind. 

“I found something last night. I have this facial recognition software that runs through official safety cameras in the state, and I put a search in for Liz, because it’s kind of an unofficial software I didn’t tell Director Cooper because, like, I’m kind of afraid of him today, he’s like really pissed and... “

Donald interrupted him:” Aram. What did you find?”

“Yeah, right, sorry. Liz was at a bus station last night and she put something in a locker there. I got the number.”

Donald was relieved, that they had a lead, now that they were under time pressure, if they didn’t find Liz, he was afraid of what would happen to her if anyone else who didn’t know her, but only what was said on TV, would be going after her. 

Because he knew that losing her, wasn’t something he was sure he could survive.


	5. Chapter 5

Elizabeth must’ve been limping through the woods for hours. She was beyond exhausted at this point and lost every sense of orientation. It was beginning to get dark, she checked her watch, 6 PM. 

She hadn’t thought this through, hell, she hadn’t thought any of this through. She couldn’t check where she was or call for help, her phone was in her duffel bag which he had left on the train. And with her current luck, it would snow tonight and she’d freeze to death out there in the woods. 

Then, finally there was a cabin in sight, she hoped that its owners weren’t there. With all of the strength she had left, she limped to the house. There were no lights, no car out front, she was positive that nobody was there. 

She made quick work of the wooden door; it was easy for her to open the lock with the help of a bobby pin. After stepping inside, Liz sunk down on the first chair she saw, glad she finally could rest her foot and just take a moment to register what happened that day. 

Why did it never cross her mind that the Townsend would now be after her, assuming her mother told her all of her secrets. If they found her, they wouldn’t believe her when she told them she didn’t know anything, but that was the bitter truth. Despite everything she risked, everything she’d done and tried and despite all the casualties, she hadn’t gotten any further to the truth. 

That harsh truth hit Elizabeth like a punch in the face. This had been the wrong way all along, whatever she’d do Reddington would never tell her the truth, probably Katerina would’ve done the same if she found out something. Whoever her parents were, they were full of secrets they weren’t keen on sharing. 

“Now look where all of that lead you, Elizabeth.” She said to herself, huffing an ironic laugh. She checked what she still had with her: One gun, on her belt, her fake passport, her wallet with 200 bucks, her favorite red scarf and an unused burner phone. She cursed to herself, everything she needed was in her other bag. 

Slowly she took her boot off, inspecting the damage on her foot. It was swollen and had blue bruises all over. And it hurt like a bitch, she wondered how she made it that far. Adrenaline probably.

Liz was pretty sure that the foot was broken and without proper treatment or pain meds, she wouldn’t be able to get far away. Now she was hunted by the FBI and the Townsend directive and she had a broken foot and no money. Great. 

The thought of turning herself in quickly crossed her mind but she shook her head at that thought. If she gave up now, everybody would be in danger. She thought of a plan that would get her to a doctor that could tend to her foot. She couldn’t use her real name obviously but maybe she had an idea.

Liz hobbled over to the couch, shedding of her jacket, laying down and wrapping a blanket around her. She hid her gun under the pillow, only noticing now how exhausted she was. This were the worst two weeks of her life. Well, except for her night with Ressler. The thought of that brought a smile to her face. 

Him and Agnes were what she longed to come home for, after this was over. He was her pull to the light, but she could not follow him, at least not yet. With thoughts of what could be, Liz drifted off into sleep.

\-------

Ressler was impressed of Aram, how he convinced the security officer at the train station to open the locker for them without a warrant. 

He didn’t know what he had hoped for, but when the only content of the locker turned out to be a small note, Don was disappointed. Aram handed him the small paper, murmuring something along the lines, maybe its not meant for everyone to read and Ressler quickly folded it open and read what Liz had written her almost spidery handwriting. 

_Ress,  
I’m begging you to stop chasing me. We both to know how this needs to end. I’ll turn myself in once its done, but I need you to stop going after me. Please help me one last time and take care of Agnes, tell her I love her and I won’t be able to call for a while. _

_Liz ___

__Ressler sighed, looking at Aram. “You were right, its not for everyone to read. She wants us to stop looking for her and she promises she’ll turn herself in once she’s done with Reddington.”_ _

__Aram nodded, accepting the fact he wouldn’t get to read the full note. “We need Cooper to get in touch with Reddington then. “he said and Ressler nodded in agreement, heading back to the car._ _

__\-----_ _

__When Liz awoke the next morning, she startled awake at the sunlight creeping in through the windows of the cabin. She sat up, checking her watch, it showed 9 AM. This was the longest she had slept in the last 2 weeks._ _

__Liz tried getting up, but quickly aborted that, her foot was hurting even more. She had a glimpse of a plan to get medical attention, but she needed other clothes for that. She tried standing up again, but settled for jumping to the near closet on one leg only._ _

__She luckily found what she was looking for, some hiking boots that weren’t too big on her and an outdoor jacket along with a backpack. She put on the boots and the jacket, putting all her other stuff in the backpack. Her intention was to look like a hiker._ _

__She jumped to the kitchen, looking for food but only found some crackers. She ate them before trying to put everything back to how she had found it yesterday._ _

__Liz hobbled out of the small cabin, as far away as she could from the house and back into the woods. Then she sat down on the ground, dialing 911 on her burner._ _

__“911 what’s your emergency?”_ _

__“My name is Allison Thomas, I was hiking and fell, I think my foot is broken.”_ _

__“Do you know your exact location Ma’am?”_ _

__“No, unfortunately not, I’m in the woods somewhere.”_ _

__“Alright, I’ve traced your signal, and ambulance is on its way.”_ _

__Liz put the phone down, slightly nervous. She hoped this would work._ _

__Not too long after, she could her the ambulance in near distance._ _

__The paramedics didn’t ask too much questions, just quickly helped her into the car and brought her to the nearest hospital in Little Falls, as she heard from the radio call they made during the drive._ _

__In the hospital, she got a bandage for her foot and a prescription for Tylenol. They also wanted to make a blood test, to be sure she didn’t have an infection._ _

__When the doctor came back with her test results, he had rather positive expression on his face and Liz didn’t fail to notice that._ _

__“I’m afraid you’ll have to do without the pain meds.” He simply said and Liz looked at him in confusion._ _

__“What? Why?” Liz asked startled._ _

__“Well, maybe you didn’t notice that yet, its still pretty early. Congratulations Mrs. Thomas, you’re about two weeks pregnant.”_ _


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I took so long and this is a rather short chaoter but I still hope you'll enjoy it.

„Are… are you sure?“ Liz asked the doctor, completely baffled.

“Yes, it’s clear to see on your test results. Also, there’s no indication that your fall injured the fetus in any way. From what I see, it is perfectly healthy.” The doctor said while filling out some forms. 

“That’s uhm… reassuring. Thank you very much.” Liz now managed, the happy news were too much to process at the moment. 

“I recommend you rest a lot, and if you have to walk please use the crutches.” The doctor told her and Liz simply nodded.

After that she was free to leave, but had to sit down on a bench outside the hospital to try and wrap her around everything that had just happened.

She was having a baby. Ressler’s baby.

The realization slowly began to sink in. Albeit her current situation was similar to when she found out she was having Agnes, she felt totally different now. 

Back then, she was shocked and her first instinct was to find a way out, but now, the fact that a small human was growing inside her, somehow grounded her. 

Strange as it was, she immediately was certain that she wanted this baby. There was no doubt, no guilt, no fear.

Maybe because she’d been thinking about the future a lot lately, she had always wanted for Agnes to be a big sister one day and she knew that Ressler would be a great dad. She saw it in him every time he was around Agnes.

It was like children brought out the soft side in him right away, that he kept tucked away so carefully, that she thought when she first started working with him, he didn’t even have a soft spot for anything.

Everything felt clearer now, like somehow the universe had sent her a sign with this. Let this go. Go home.  
At that moment that was all she wanted: return home and just tell him. Tell Agnes she was gonna be a big sister and that she’d never leave them again. Probably the big announcement she had in mind wouldn’t go about as seamless as she imagined, but she was determined that she had a way back now. A good reason to stop.

Not that being a mother to Agnes wasn’t reason enough, but hard as it was to admit, Agnes would be fine even without her. She had so many people that would care for her, love and protect her better than herself she sometimes thought- But the baby inside her depended on her to be careful and protective. 

She couldn’t run around trying to kill someone while being pregnant, that much she understood.

She knew that there was no good solution for dealing with Reddington at the moment, but she was resolute to go back to her family and quit trying to do this her way. 

So Liz softly placed her left hand on her still flat belly and whispered: “I’m glad you’re here baby.”

Liz dialed a number she knew by heart on her burner phone, waiting for an answer.

“Ressler.” He answered gruffly and it made her smile slightly for some reason.

“I’m ready to come home, Ress.” She said.

He took some time to respond, huffing out a surprised breath before catching himself “Really? That’s good…. I…. that’s amazing.”

Liz’ smile grew wider at his loss for words.

“Where are you, I’ll come get you.” Donald asked 

“I’m in New York, some small town called Little Falls. I’m still at the hospital but I’ll look for a motel room for the time being, I’ll text you the address when I have it.” The words just seemed to flow out of her.

“Hold on, why are you at the hospital, are you alright?”  
“Nothing serious, I uh just broke my foot. I’ll tell you about it later.”

“Geez, do I even wanna know how you broke it? I’m already on my way. Agnes will be so happy to have you back.” Liz felt like she could hear his smile through the phone.

“And you’re not happy to see me?” Liz pretended to be offended:

“Of course, you have no idea.” Ressler admitted and Liz felt happiness bubbling inside of her.

“We have to talk when you’re here, there’s something I need to tell….” Liz said but was interrupted by someone grabbing the phone from her.

“Liz? What’s going on?” Ressler asked, worry audible in his tone.

“You’ll never see her again.” A man now growled into the phone and then hung up.

Ressler was completely shocked but reacted quickly, calling the post office to get Cooper and Aram in, while he was going way beyond the speed limit to get to New York.

Meanwhile, Liz had been carried into a black Van by three man and the woman she recognized from the train incident, drove them away from the hospital quickly.

She didn’t have no time to react or scream or try to get away, everything happened too quickly for her to understand that she was being abducted by the people who wanted answers from her. 

Crouched in the corner of the van, Liz protectively brought her knees up to her chin, silently panicking for what would happen to her.


	7. Chapter 7

The pouring rain didn’t make it easier for Donald to get to Little Falls fast. Aram had called local authorities but they already reported back that so far they had found nothing at the site of Liz’s abduction.

Still, he needed to see it with his own eyes and he harbored the foolish hope that they had missed some little detail that would lead him right to Liz.

He was desperately trying to concentrate on the road and ignore the fact that Liz was taken and some guy told him he’d never see her again. In Don’s mind, that just wasn’t an option.

She couldn’t just call him and say she wanted to come home and then some sick bastard came along and just took her away from him for good. No, Donald Ressler refused to believe this and he’d pull out all the stops to get her back. 

Nervously, he tapped on the steering wheel while he waited at yet another red light. His head felt so full but also blank at the same time. There were flashbacks on his mind, to when Audrey was dying and there was nothing he could do. 

Right now, he felt just as helpless. He had no idea what mess Liz got herself wrapped up in. Who wanted to kidnap her? What did she know ? His first thought would usually be Reddington but this time, he had a very bad feeling that told him, the people that had Liz were far more dangerous than Reddington.

Still, even though it was Reddington’s fault that Liz even had to go on the run, Ressler knew that he probably was the only one that could help find Liz. He was pretty sure that Liz being taken was also somehow Reddington-related, but it wasn’t like he had a lot of options. 

So, he called Dembe.

“Hello?” Dembe asked on the phone. 

“Get him on the phone, it’s about Liz.” Donald replied curtly.

There was rustling on the line before Reddington picked up. 

“Donald! Always a pleasure to chat with you. Still I have the feeling that this is not a courtesy call.”

“Liz, she was taken. Do you have anything to do with this?” A small part of him still hoped it was Red who had Liz and that she was more or less safe. 

“Where?” the older man simply asked and all hope for a quick and happy ending to this faded for Ressler. 

“She called me, said she wanted to come home, she was in a small-town in New York. Little Falls, she asked me to come get her, but our call was interrupted by whatever sick bastard that took her.”

“Now what do you expect me to do? Elizabeth is in way beyond her head, she and you woke up old ghosts by searching for Katerina and now that she’s gone, they’re after Liz.”

“What the hell Red? If this is on anyone, then on you. All you ever did was lie to her and now that she’s in danger you don’t even wanna help !?” Ressler was furious, partly because he did feel guilty that by searching for Katerina, he put Liz in danger. 

“We’re not far away from Little Falls, I’ll have my people look into it. I’m afraid that’s all I can do at the moment. Lizzie brought this upon herself.” Reddington said and ended the call. 

Ressler was fuming, how could Red be so careless. Maybe it was just an act and he was trying to hide his real intentions once again, but Ressler just hoped he would do anything that would help to find Liz. 

After two more hours, Ressler reached the hospital of Little Falls, talked to the police officers on site and waited for Cooper and Aram to get there. 

One police officer approached him. “Sir. We found this in a trash can. “ he handed Ressler a broken burner phone in an evidence bag. Ressler nodded thankfully. He was sure that this was Liz’ phone so they had no way to trace a signal.

When Cooper and Aram got there he told them everything in detail. “Reddington doesn’t really wanna help, or if, he doesn’t let it on. So far, we got nothing.” He sighed, trying to keep his composure, but failing. 

I asked for back-up from the bureau. We’ll do anything to find Elizabeth. We do what we always do, look for evidence, investigate. Aram, have a look at everything we have on Katerina Rostova. If Reddington thinks the people who were after her now have Liz, this’ll help us identify them. “ Cooper ordered and Aram quickly got to work.

“Donald, I want you to talk to the doctor who treated Liz.” He told Ressler and he nodded.

“Also, we should make sure that Agnes is safe with Scottie. They may want to use her as leverage.” Cooper added.

“Well, then you should send security guards to my apartment.” Cooper looked at him, puzzled.

“Agnes is with me and my mother. I promised Liz to look after her.”

Cooper nodded in understanding.

Shortly after, Ressler was approaching the doctor who had treated Liz in the hospital hallway.

“Agent Ressler, FBI. Did you have a patient today named Allison Thomas?” 

“Yes, is she in some kind of trouble?” the doctor asked. 

“No, she’s been kidnapped, right outside the building. We were hoping you could help us find her. Did anything seem suspicious to you when you were with her?” Ressler asked his standard questions, knowing it would get him nowhere.

“No, she came in with ambulance, broke her foot in a hiking accident. She got a cast and we did some standard tests. Everything was normal with her.” 

“Thank you for your help, doctor.” Ressler said, already turning to leave.

“I hope you find her fast, that is essential.”

Donald turned back around, slightly confused. “Why is that?”

“Because I just told Ms. Thomas that she is pregnant.” The doctor said and left, leaving behind a completely startled FBI Agent. 

\--------- 

“Masha Rostova. I’ve been dying to meet up with your mother. Turns out she is now too dead to meet with me. So you’ll have to do.” A man with a thick Russian accent spoke, being uncomfortably close to Liz’ face.

“I don’t understand what you want from me, my mother didn’t tell me anything.” Liz responded. “And my name is not Masha, it’s Elizabeth.”

“Well then, Elizabeth. You have everything that I need to know. You have the Sikorsky archive. And you’ll give it to me.” The man was now circling Liz, who was chained with her feet to a pipe.

The light was dim, Liz suspected she was in some basement room. She knew she had no play here but to comply, but how could she when she had no idea what they wanted from her.

“No, I don’t. Reddington has the archive.” Liz was desperately hoping they’d believe her. 

The man just laughed. “You might not remember, Masha, but I can help with that.” He patted Liz on the shoulder. “Get some rest, I hear that the procedure of memory recovery is rather….exhausting.” And with that, he left the room. 

Liz forbid herself to cry, she would not show weakness, they may have cameras in her holding cell. Still, some tears started to spill from her eyes as she clutched an arm over her belly.

She had no way out of this, nobody knew who had her or where she was. 

No way they were gonna get out of there alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is certainly not how Liz wanted Ressler to find out.   
> Does she really have the archive?  
> Will the team get to her in time?  
> And does Reddington really not care about her anymore?
> 
> I guess we'll see next week  
> ;-)


	8. Chapter 8

It felt like the world outside had stopped moving. Donald Ressler was sitting in his car and didn’t know how to feel. He had headed to the sole comfort of sitting alone in his black SUV like in trance, passing Cooper and Aram without looking at them. 

That’s what Liz wanted to tell him, that’s why she wanted to come home and why she sounded so light-hearted over the phone. She was having a baby. His baby for all Ressler knew.

He felt like knowing that, he had failed two people at once. Not only had Liz been taken, but she was with child and therefore more vulnerable. Ressler couldn’t help but to think of Audrey and their lost child. Why should it be any different this time? He always was too late to save the ones he loved, most times, he was the one who put them in danger in the first place.

Reddington had gotten it right. If he had just listened and let the topic of finding Katerina go, none of them would be in this situation. 

What hurt the most was, that Liz had sounded so positively determined over the phone before they took her. He wasn’t able to make out only a glimpse of doubt in her voice, looking back. She sounded like she had found clarity, like the Liz he knew before all of this.

Yet, he had let her down and their baby and now they were gone without a trace, with people who were up to god knows what.

“Agent Ressler:” Aram pounded on the window of the car door. He opened up, trying to pretend he hadn’t just found out that another chance at a family had just slipped out of his grasp. 

“Yeah… Have you found something?” Ressler asked, desperately attempting a normal expression on his face.

“I just got a call, someone broke into Liz’ apartment last night. Police says they pretty much destroyed every piece of furniture searching for something. And Liz’ landlady wants to kick her out for all the trouble there was at her apartment in the past, but that’s not my point.” Aram spoke hastily, as always.

“Then what is your point?” Ressler asked, a bit more on edge now. This was evidence that whoever had Liz maybe was still in the country.

“Uh sure so… there are cameras installed in the hallway which the robbers didn’t notice. We have their faces. I’m still running facial recognition, but that’s a start, right?” Aram said, hopeful.

“I think we should get back there and have a look ourselves, make out what they were searching for.” Ressler said, as Aram was now getting into the passenger’s seat, with his laptop still running facial recognition. 

\------ 

“Raymond, are you serious about not trying to find Elizabeth? We both know who has her.” Dembe asked Reddington who was sitting in the backseat while he was driving. 

“No, of course not. We have to find her before they are able to extract the archive. If the security of the archive is threatened in any way, our friend in the east will know and then that will start a chain of events even I can’t control.” Reddington said, looking out of the window at the green fields along the road.

“Then why are we not working with the team? Your health isn’t good enough to do this on your own.” Dembe questioned, once again uncertain about the motives of his old friend. 

“If they get to her before I do, she won’t give me chance to explain. You know how stubborn she is, just like her mother.” 

“Or stubborn like you. I still don’t think shooting Katerina was necessary but it is too late to change that now.”

“Besides, if the task force finds her first, Ressler won’t leave her side like a guard dog. And I really don’t need a FBI-Agent knowing about my connections to Russia. Whatever the two of them have going on, it certainly complicates things.” Reddington said, slightly disgruntled.

“Then let’s pay our Russian friend a visit.” Dembe exclaimed, speeding up the car.

\------ 

Back in DC, Ressler and Aram were at Liz’ now former apartment assessing the damage. The robbers really had searched everywhere and in the process destroyed everything. They cut open the cushions of the couch, pulled out every drawer and emptied its contents on the floor, kicked over tables too look under the carpet. 

“Anything new on the ID of the robbers?” Ressler asked Aram. On the drive Ressler had come to the conclusion that the only thing he could do to help Liz was to work. So he tried to blend out what he had found out today and worked this like any other case. Though he wasn’t sure how long he could uphold the façade of professionalism.

“No, but I’m on it.” Aram answered.

Ressler knelt down, reaching under a armchair that was miraculously still standing and stopped when he felt a USB stick that was tucked in between the cushions.

“Looks like they weren’t so rigorous after all.” Ressler said, handing the USB stick to Aram.

“Open this please. I think they Liz left this here for us to find.” Ressler said, turning towards the door where a woman entered, presumably Liz’ landlady.

“Take whatever you need. I’ll throw away rest anyway. I’ve really had it with this lady, she hasn’t been here for weeks and her rent payments also stopped. This is the… I don’t know fourth incident we’ve had connected with Ms. Keen and my other tenants are tired of all the police presence. Probably she’s committed a crime again, that’s why she’s gone MIA. Anyways, when you’re finished, I’ll get rid of the destroyed stuff.” The woman said, clearly upset.

“Excuse me M’am but I don’t think you’re in any position to make assumptions about Ms. Keen, you have no idea what you are talking about.” Ressler retorted angrily that she was talking about Liz in such a rude manner.

“Maybe not, but whatever’s she’s mixed up in, I won’t have it in my house.” And with that she left. 

“I think we should grab what Liz would want to keep. And some of Agnes stuff, too.” Aram proposed and Ressler agreed, already on his way to Agnes’ room. She told him before she was missing her favorite stuffed animal, a pink bunny, so that’s what he looked for first. He also packed a lot of clothes for Agnes, some books and toys.

When he continued packing up Liz’ stuff, his eyes lingered on a greyish-blue scarf Liz had worn last time they celebrated her birthday at Wing Yee. The memory brought a smile to his face. 

When he was finished with packing the usual stuff, he looked for a specific box. Liz put everything concerning her past in there: Files, Photos, valuable things from her childhood. He knew that that was something she would want to hold on to.

“I got the ID of the robbers.” Aram entered Liz’ bedroom, laptop in his hands.

“Sergeij Shostakov and Jeff Sorge. We have them listed in the NCIC, they’ve been convicted for numerous offenses, they are experts in break-ins into pharmacies or drug stores to steal ingredients for drugs. DEA suspects they now work as contractors for the highest bidder.”

“Do we have an address?”

“Yes, but its abandoned. I found something more interesting on the stick though. Liz collected everything she knew from her mother and Reddington on something called the Sikorsky archive. Do you know what that is?”

“It is a blackmail file, containing classified intel going back to the cold war. Katerina Rostova thought Reddington had it.”

“Another thing. She mentions an organization that searched for her mother. The Townsend.”

“That’s it. They were on the hunt for Katerina thinking she had the archive but now that she’s dead, they presume she must’ve passed it on to Liz. And now because Liz tried to kill Reddington, she only reinforced their assumption that she’s continuing what Katerina started.”

“But if Katerina didn’t have it, who has the archive?”

“Liz thinks Reddington, but he would never admit it, especially not now that he’s vulnerable.”

“I’ll brief Cooper about all of this, you should try and contact Reddington.” 

Aram left and Ressler sighed before calling Dembe, already having a feeling that he wouldn’t pick up. 

He tried multiple times, but he didn’t answer. He could only hope that Reddington went to look for Liz on his own.   
Donald decided it would be best to go home for now, taking the stuff he packed with him to store until Liz got back.

He was sure he wasn’t gonna get all too much sleep that night, but lying alone in his bed would maybe give him the opportunity to really process the news he learned today. It seemed pretty surreal to him, also due to the fact that Liz wasn’t here, but on the other hand, if he dared, he could see it: Agnes drawing with her little sister, who had his hair and Liz’ eyes, Liz watching them from the couch. 

And hell, he will do anything to get that life.


End file.
